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authenticity

October 13, 2010

This year has been anything but typical for me.  Apparently hitting your 40’s causes craziness in many folks.  I’ve come to some pretty strong realizations – some I’ve liked (food) and some I have not (authenticity-only because it takes work).  So, since I’ve noticed I have about 10 or so regular followers, I thought I’d take all of you on my roller-coaster ride and see if we all come to a screeching halt with our hair all messed up and smiles on our faces. (if you don’t like roller coasters – you still have time  to take the chicken exit)

Life –in a quest to be ‘liked‘, I ignored a lot of who I truly am.  I tried to be interested in things that others found worthwhile, tried to change my diet, and tried to talk a talk that was totally NOT me.  I failed miserably.  I found that I know what motivates me and moves me to work hard for God’s glory.  I found that I L.O.V.E. what I cook and eat and, tho I have yet to find an article stating Chocolate Cheerios and Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch to be health food, I have somehow remained healthy.   I have learned that I don’t have to go along with what others say just because I admire them – it’s okay to disagree and still Love.   Most of all, I have learned that loving me and those whom God has placed in my life is BIG. 

Running – over the years I have struggled with injury prevention. As I reach for a goal, I typically get injured.  I also carry a lot of my stress in my body, therefore manifesting in pain.  This summer was no different.   In a quest to break 2 hours I became obsessed with training and working my body harder than it was used to.  Within two weeks severe pain crept in and overcame my strong body.  Three months of tears, attempts, and failures caused questions to pop up.  I’m currently running pain-free and fast (for me) and it feels so GOOD.  What changed?  Massage therapy (heavy on the therapy) – visualization of healing.  Prayer – constant prayer – asking God to heal me.  I had been praying for everything else but didn’t want to burden God with my pain.  What a joke!  Yes, he can create the world but healing my legs felt petty.  And one other small thing, regular communion ~ amazing.   Apparently I like to put limits on God.  “Um God? Could you protect my family?  Heal the weak? Give sight to the blind? Feed the hungry? ~ but I’ll take care of my legs. Thanks.”  silly me.  It might sound ‘out there’ to some, but I have run, without pain, for two weeks.  More proof?  3 miles this morning – mile 1: 9:32, mile 2: 9:18, mile 3: 8:23!  just sayin’

Growth: Finally, I hope I’m not the only one that feels guilty when life is going well while others around you struggle (normal? anyone?).  A part of me believes I triggered myself into a funk by ignoring my blessings.  A couple of posts ago, BETH talked about comparison – to others vs. to ourselves.  I went back and re-read that post and started comparing myself to ME.  In the last year I have: cut 30 minutes off my 1/2 marathon time (2:32 – 2:02), I have lost 7 pounds (wanted to lose 5-10), I love my family more now than I did 12 months ago (or yesterday for that matter), I have made some new/amazing friends in the blog world (Beth, Jill, Tara, Marcia, and Allie).  I am continuing to work on allowing myself to feel  emotions as they come ~ this may come easy to some, but for me it is HARD.  I have also allowed myself let go of so much that held me back.  Some of it was really hard and some of it was a breeze.  Either way, I feel better ~ stronger ~ encouraged.

Whew!  That was hard for me to type, but I’m glad I did.

Now it’s time to do laundry and pack for RnR Denver!!

Run on!

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17 Comments leave one →
  1. October 13, 2010 9:36 am

    I think that said it all. I am proud of you…another step in the right direction. I missed your blog…you never fail to make me laugh…”Um God? Could you protect my family? Heal the weak? Give sight to the blind? Feed the hungry? ~ but I’ll take care of my legs. Thanks.”
    -LOVE IT!
    A

    • Shana permalink
      October 13, 2010 9:41 am

      I’m proud of me too.
      Really wishing you were still in CO right now. 😦
      But there are races in FL too – I assume.

  2. October 13, 2010 12:41 pm

    evaluating is always hard! facing things we might not always want to. good to see you back and good luck this weekend!!

    • Shana permalink
      October 13, 2010 12:50 pm

      thanks girl.
      will be up your way in the next couple of months.
      maybe we can meet up for a trail run! 😉

  3. October 13, 2010 2:01 pm

    Ok sis. Talk about giving me a kick in the side. All I seem to see are the tough crap I am going through. But here is my happy summory: In the past year- I have taken my running to a new level- taken 1 hour (yes 1 hour) off my half marathon time, I have lost 10 of the 50 lbs I wanted too, and I have realized how great wonderful magnificent my hubby and kids are. There is a ton of “crap” in between the lines, but in the end, these things make me smile and even want to cry on occasion. Thanks for writing this first.

    • Shana permalink
      October 13, 2010 2:46 pm

      It’s all in our perception.

  4. October 13, 2010 4:12 pm

    I have a big problem comparing myself to others, I see some of the times people run and I think I could never do that. Then I start getting down on myself and thinking that I’m not good enough, I have to remind myself just how far I’ve come sometimes, I think it’s something we all struggle with. You totally rock in my book but we’re all human and sometimes we need to be reminded of that. 🙂

    • Shana permalink
      October 14, 2010 6:21 am

      I sooooo wish we didn’t struggle with it.
      When I compare ME to ME – I’m about 98.2% pleased with how I’ve turned out.

  5. October 13, 2010 8:29 pm

    hey there!!
    loved reading this!
    and guess what…we’re going to be in colorado at the same time! i’ll be in the springs visiting jody from the 16-19.
    i’ll be thinking of you running your skinny little butt off while i’m sipping coffee in the mountains at jody’s parents’ cabin. 🙂
    love ya…and all that you represent.

    • Shana permalink
      October 14, 2010 6:22 am

      geeze – I’ll be thinking of you sipping coffee in the mountains – I’d much rather do that any morning than run a 1/2 mary!

      show some house pics!!

  6. October 14, 2010 10:56 am

    Oh yay glad you’re blogging!
    I am most identifying with your growth segment as I am realllly feeling guilty my sis and her family are jobless for the second time in less than 2 years.
    How awesome you’re running faster–got get it done in DENVER!!! WOOT!

    • Shana permalink
      October 14, 2010 11:32 am

      I wish you would be there to drag me down the last 3 miles again! 😦

  7. October 14, 2010 11:18 am

    I love roller coaster rides and I love this post! Be yourself girl, if people don’t like it, screw ’em. I know….I have a way with words.

    Congrats on your weight loss AND your faster running times. Rock on!

    • Shana permalink
      October 14, 2010 11:32 am

      Yes. You are quite poetic.
      This is why I love ya.

      • October 14, 2010 11:44 am

        Hahah! Will I see you this weekend? What are your plans?

  8. October 14, 2010 12:43 pm

    I like your blog…This is a GREAT post, so awesomely integritous (new word?)
    Elaine

    • Shana permalink
      October 14, 2010 1:21 pm

      I like your new word.
      And…you’re back!!

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