beautiful

running makes me feel beautiful.  strong.  confident.  capable.  i feel able to conquer most anything thrown my way.  sort of.

growing up I felt the most beautiful when I was alone.  there was something about being in my own mind – no siblings to tell me I was stupid – no parents to put me to work – just thoughts of who I wanted to be and how that would look.  imaginary play was my favorite.  i still like imaginary play.  i like to imagine a life without stress.  that’s why i run.  nothing really changes in those moments when my feet are pounding the pavement, other than my world view.

here’s something i’ve been thinking about while running . . .

women pick on themselves – “I’m too _____.”  typically finished with something like; short, tall, fat, grey, old, young, stupid, slow, boring, etc.  that list can go on and on.  sometimes it is all at once!  you know what happens when we feel; just right, happy, brilliant, confident, beautiful, perfect, content, peaceful, etc.?  we don’t believe it!  we tend to compare our beauty to someone else’s beauty – causing resentment and jealousy.   IT’S NOT RIGHT!!! 

a few years back one of my gal-pals turned 40.  within a few months she said her ‘world view’ changed.  i didn’t know exactly how that could happen – but i wanted what she had.  six years later – i get it.  the ability to see my worth and own it.  the ability to see another woman’s worth and give it to her.  it’s a beautiful thing.  some folks get it sooner than others – just like babies who walk at 9 months vs. babies who walk at 16 months, eventually they all see the world with a new view.

here’s the moment that took me over the edge to ‘see’ myself – remember “you can’t love others until you truly love yourself”. . .

last month, on my girl-trip to chicago, one of my girlfriends captured me in a moment that i still look at and can truly see ‘me’.  the ‘me’ that has become the mom i always wanted to be (most of the time).  the ‘me’ that finds humor in the smallest things – and often the most inappropriate things.  the ‘me’ that is out-of-control and in control at all times.  the ‘me’ that finds time to re-charge with my girls while missing my family like crazy. the ‘me’ that God created me to be.  seeing that beauty in a small little shot was/is HUGE in my life. 

 

of course my friend’s ability to ‘see’ people is a gift i’m truly jealous of.   thanks meg – you opened my eyes like nothing else could. love you.

what is your beautiful?