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Consequences.

May 4, 2010
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Back when I had a bit of brilliance left, I wrote a blog for parents on my caseload, those I trained, and those who were just looking for a little boost.  For some reason I deleted it.  Recently a friend sent me this little gem that I wrote – hope you enjoy.

I think often of the consequences in life and how confused we get between consequences and punishment.  

Punishment makes us feel bad about making a mistake.  Lowers our self-esteem and kills our spirit.  Ouch!!  Are we doing this to our children, co-workers, self?? 

Consequences, on the other hand, teach us there is a different way.  A better way.  A way that helps others and ourselves.  Is there a bit of suffering?  Sure!  Like when you burn popcorn – it just takes a minute, but the stench stays around to remind us to pay better attention next time. 

Consequences are the ending moments of our mistakes, misbehavior, and ‘oops’s’ that teach us to think differently.  To respond differently or to make a different choice if the situation arises again.  

So, how do we teach others without damaging them?  It’s about getting into their frontal lobe while staying in our frontal lobe.  You cannot teach from a place of nuttiness, mainly because you are modeling a behavior you  hope won’t come back to bite you!  In order to teach effectively, we must focus on what we want, not what the other person is doing.  If we want one child to stop hurting another, we must focus on the behavior we want to see more of (kindness, gentleness, etc.).  If we want someone to stop hurting us, we must focus on what our spirit and self-esteem desires (respect, love, etc.).  We cannot scream at another person, “You never respect me!”  It hurts both of us.   

Clarify your goals as a parent, teacher, spouse, friend or neighbor.  What do you want the other person to learn?  How can you help them learn it?  Our best help comes from a coherent heart that is willing to see the other person’s behaviors and gifts as opportunities to practice a new skill.  

Today I’m going to focus on other’s gifts. 

What does it have to do with running?  Yeah – I don’t really know.  It’s just important for me to read today, considering 13-year-old boy is about to receive major consequences.  poor guy doesn’t even know what’s coming.

Run on Friends!

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. May 4, 2010 10:10 am

    Great lesson!! I always hope that my discipline is somehow teaching my kids. I remember once as a frazzled mom of two little kids -my son hit my daughter. So I swatted him on the butt and said, “we don’t hit.” Then I took a look at my hypocritical self and knew I had to get a grip!

    • Mother Runner permalink
      May 4, 2010 10:26 am

      Sounds a bit like my “don’t you use that voice tone with me!”
      aaahhhh…parenting. Such a clear mirror.

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